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8 signs you know you are getting old (for a gamer)

8 signs you know you are getting old (for a gamer)

| April 1, 2014

I played Diablo III over the past weekend, and my “marathon” confirmed something I’ve long been suspecting. I’m getting too old to game the way I used to.

Are you feeling the same? Here are some warning signs, compiled by a team no longer as young as we used to be.

(Read the article that sparked all of this.)

1. Stretching at intervals is necessary

Or your back will fuse into an amalgamation of sinew, muscle, and bone, and you won’t be able to move after.


That feels exactly how it looks.

2. An all-night gaming marathon < sleep

Playing for eight hours through the night used to be such a treat. Now it’s more like torture. Also, the weekends are the only time you can afford to pay off that sleep debt. Don’t squander them.

3. Games are no longer unaffordable

A long time ago, $60 for a brand new game was unthinkable. But $85 for a collector’s edition copy, now? Sure, which of my three credit cards would you like to swipe? A monthly salary can go towards more than rent, utilities and groceries; it can also go towards games. Suck on that, snotty child begging your parents for the latest CoD in a game store. I can buy it for myself.

And I can buy whatever shiny merchandise I want, too!

And I can buy whatever shiny merchandise I want, too!

4. You just worry about whether you’ll have time to play

Unfortunately the reality is that while you can afford a whole bunch of games, you might not have a whole bunch of time to play them. Your work, your parents, your significant other, your kids, your dog/cat/demon fish: all these elements in your life usually conspire to take you away from your PC or console. And when you do get to play?

5. You get your ass kicked by kids who have tons of free time and are chugging energy drinks

When you work nine to ten hour days (inclusive of commuting time), there is barely enough time to eat and sleep, let alone spend time honing your eye for the crosshair. Who are you, then, to compete with those little hell-devils screaming over their microphones while slurping up energy drinks? Speaking of which…

Yup. Devil juice.

Yup. Devil juice.

6. Most pro gamers are so young they look like babies to you

Let’s take League of Legends AD carry Uzi from Chinese team Royal Club Huang Zu. He was born in 1996. And he’s already been a pro for a couple of years! What happened to when we were gaming with people our age?

7. Farming legendaries in Diablo III seems almost trivial compared to what you gotta farm for in real life

And even when you avoid the young punks and delve into less competitive games, you wonder what the grind is for. Aren’t the real-life achievements of a house, a car, and a family tough enough to handle without having to hunt for non-corporeal items, too?


Yeah, gamers have a lot of first world problems.

8. You wonder why you’re still playing

You really do. Real life is challenging. It is time-consuming. It is tougher than the toughest, grindiest MMORPG you’ve ever played because unlike the MMORPG, where you can just stop your subscription and uninstall the game, life has no difficulty slider, no cheat code, no weekly hotfixes, and it never stops.

Then you remember: it’s because you love games.

(Image sources: 1, 2, 3, 4)

  • George Barrera

    Growing up sucks

  • Games in Asia

    Actually I take a lot of pleasure in buying myself toys in front of children who can only stare at me. -malee

  • George Barrera

    That is true I have more toys than I did as a kid

  • Jan Loyd Galleto

    and Tommorow with Eyebags.

  • Andrew Thompson

    These are mostly all true for me and I was born in 1996 ;) Number 7 is the main reason I can never get into most MMOs unless they have some unique hook like APB did. Games are more affordable as well, since as a PC gamer many new releases are $45-50, less for DLs.

  • Cresci

    Apart from no.1 all of the above lol. Especially no’s. 4 and 5!!


    What the FUCK is wrong with you. GO HARD OR GET THE FUCK OUT. IT DONT MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE, When I’m playing your boy is beastin and near 30 years OLDS

  • Obamu

    Also many games if not most are “half-baked” with all the DLC’s and additional content to milk you for more cash.

    Also paying real money for “early” access wasn’t there before. what happen to “alpha keys”? You will say its still there but they’re mostly for MMORPGs.

    Also I hate studios announcing this game that’ll be released 3~4 years later, and immediately accepts pre-orders & wants to get paid for “testing” their game. then about the year of release they’ll push it further again.

  • ric

    Truth. Especially the last sentence :)

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