The 7 kinds of noobs you will encounter in Dota 2
It doesn’t matter how good you are at Dota 2 now. At some point you were a noob. We’ve all been there. Some get out quicker, others stay longer, and some others are still there. At some point, you’ll encounter them as opponents or as teammates. However, not all noobs are new to the game. Some just play like they are. Check out the different kinds of noobs you’ll encounter in Dota 2.
1. The know-it-all noob
He’s new to the game, but for some reason, he acts and talks like he knows everything, though he has nothing to show for it. Sometimes, he’s the most learned guy in his circle of noob friends and has brought this attitude over when interacting with you. Other times, he’s just trying to bluff to look like he’s less of a noob. If you’re this guy, stop bluffing. We know you know nothing. That Desolator sitting beside the Helm of the Dominator on your Drow Ranger says it all.
Signature quote: I know!!
2. The veteran noob
He’s been playing this game for so long, you’re not sure how he doesn’t know the basics yet. On a scale of one to ten, his level of map awareness is blind and his ability to read a game is abysmal. He’ll pick a Nightstalker that farms the jungle during night time because he’s “faster”. After a hundred games with Sven, he still forgets to activate Warcry. He will attempt to force team fights when the rest of you are trying to push or will decide to push a lane when a team fight is about to break.
What makes this worse is if he’s the talkative type. He makes weird calls based on “experience”, which often don’t make sense. And he also has an excuse for every single mistake he makes: “The monitor is too bright, my eyesight is affected.”, “This isn’t the monitor resolution I’m used to.”, “The airconditioning is too cold, my fingers are getting numb.”, “I had no mana (when he did).”, “It was on cooldown (when it wasn’t).”
Signature quote: I was able to do it last time. When I wasn’t with you.
3. The exotic noob
Of course, trying out different things is okay and can actually help you discover new things. The exotic noob, however, tries to be “different” way before he tries what is considered normal. If the norm is to farm a Battlefury on Anti-Mage, he’s going to build something else. Like Force Staff! So he can chase faster with twice the distance. They’re never going to expect that! The main goal here is to “be different”. Making sense comes second. Or third.
Signature quote: I have my reasons. You’ll see.
4. The panic noob
The name says it all. The panic noob often only shows his true colors during teamfights. He’s okay during the laning phase, but once he gets ganked or when a team fight breaks out, he becomes so overwhelmed and excited that he ends up doing nothing right or everything wrong. Don’t be harsh to this noob. That’ll just make him panic more.
Signature quote: Where’s the cursor!? Wait, where am I!?
5. The spectator noob
Like the panic noob, this kind of noob only appears during team fights and skirmishes regardless of whether he’s part of them or not. When a fight breaks out, he stops what he’s doing and checks out what’s going on. He watches the teamfight and forgets to control his hero, which is now either standing in the middle of nowhere or dropping really low, really fast (if not dead yet).
Signature quote: Oh, sh*t, my hero!
6. The noob from another game
This guy takes note of how many different aspects of Dota 2 are unlike League of Legends (LoL) or Heroes of Newerth (HoN). He can even note how Starcraft II is so much better than this genre. The most famous variant of this noob is the one that complains a lot about this game not being his preferred game and expects you to take that as a good reason for mouthing off or calling your mother names. However, I must point out that there’s a second variant of this noob; the one that comes in peace, is curious, and has stepped out of his comfort zone so he can see for himself what was up. Be nice to this guy. He might refer to heroes as “champions”, but he means no harm.
Signature quote: It’s so different from (insert game name here) because there, we (insert whatever it is they do in another game)
7. The legit noob
The actual novice. He can not only be new to Dota 2, but also to MOBA gaming. And if you’re unlucky, he just might be new to gaming, too. GLHF!
Signature quote: (A ton of questions or nothing at all)
So did any of the items on the list remind you of a friend or some random person you met in pub matchmaking? Or did it perhaps remind you of your former (or dare I say current) self? If it did, don’t worry. We won’t judge you because we were all once noobs, too.
Some tips to get out of the noob zone:
5 signs that you’re still a Dota 2 noob (and how to cure it)
There is a difference between being a noob because you are new to the game from being a noob because you have a bad grasp of the basic game mechanics.
MOBA Madness: 5 Dota 2 tips for helping your friends suck less
Here are some tips to help you impart your Dota 2 knowledge in the most efficient and least stressful way.